I have tried to keep a diary for a few years now, but I’ve never got far, until I started blogging. Handwritten diaries are tedious, computer diaries are distracting, and both feel like monologues. So while blogs I came to know about maintaining online journal or diary, which is very unique and not boring like hand written or computer diaries.
I think that keeping a diary is a good thing for a writer. It helps you capture fleeting emotions, analyse recurring dreams, and develop thoughts. All records can be later used for inspiration.
One doesn’t really need a reason or time to begin with jotting down or writing elements that can be incorporated in a personal diary. I started writing my diary when I was in school – 8th grade and it became my mirror, which showed me not just my present but also my past and helped me extrapolate. I started believing in myself.
As I write, my existing thoughts are clarified and new thoughts find their way into my mind that would not have materialized otherwise. It brings back the memories sharper than a photograph. And it does makes me smile when I read about what I used to think and behave.
I am writing this, because yesterday I was reading my hand written diary and it made feel awww!! And I laughed. I always pen down the three things which went well through the day as well as the bad things.
I was the person who was not able to express the feelings openly. This thing is changed with the time, I started to express myself but still not that openly and frankly. My diary is my best friend, as I can express, confess and also complains about something. The things jotted down in the diary showed me my personality – who was I and now who I am.
I have so much changed in the past few years. And this is because of the criticism I got from the people.
Finding the courage to express myself isn’t always an easy thing to do. Because no matter how thoughtful or honest my work is, we all know there’s a good chance someone is going to slam mine for it.
In yesteryear, I was like – what will people think about me if I do this/that? “Log kya kahenge?” and now it’s like to hell with people. Because this people did not stand by my side during my tough times, it was my family and a few well-wishers. I used to think – What’s the point anyway? All of this is futile. How can I possibly keep going when everything could be taken away?!
Ergo, I had now stopped thinking about the people and I do what I feel like and which is in sake of me and my family. But if I want to create anything meaningful in this world, it’s important to develop my own winning strategy for handling criticism. Both tactically and emotionally. Because it will happen. Some criticism will contain valuable insights for positive growth, and much of it will not.
“It’s easy to attack an act of creation, it’s a lot more difficult to perform one”
But this doesn’t mean I had stopped listening to the criticism. I do listen to the people who hates me or envy me, and I always try to improve myself from that negative feedback given by the people. There are many people who are my well-wishers and they criticize me so as I can improve myself and some I get from the persons whom I am not close that much. But ultimately it leads to my development eliminating the flaws.
When I look back in my life – I see a girl who is shy, introvert, with lack of confidence, not making friends that easily, putting trust on each and every came across in the life, due to all this factors she fell and broke often. In general, I just really enjoy hearing how people come up with big ideas. But now compare to that – I am strong and capable enough to handle life.
I was having stage fear – and today I can represent India and myself in front of the world confidently.
I was afraid of dealing with criticism.
Now I see how silly that was, but at the time – the fear of negative criticism felt very real.
“Follow your fear. It’s a GPS for where your soul wants you to go.”
When I used to see people coming to India or the people of India; representing them and their country or India – I used to think always that one day I will be standing and people will listen. And that happened in 2016 at Orlando – I represented girls with bleeding disorders of India by a presentation “Gender equality in bleeding disorders community” in front of the representatives of many countries around the world.
On this 8th of July, 2017 – I represented India, my journey in life till now as a female with bleeding disorder in the society and in the organization via Skype call in the inception event of Pakistan – NMO’s women group. I talked about my journey in life as a bleeder, in HFI as a leader and in the society as a person with the rare bleeding disorder.
It speaks to the strength and purpose we can find as we face the reality of impermanence, and the power that comes from being willing to share our gifts no matter what. I’ve come to learn that if something I create or do touches only one person, it is all worthwhile. And, that it can have a ripple effect that I may never even know.
Know that others are, have been and will be grateful for the things you do and for you simply being you.
Know that the things you create and the love you share with the world has an impact…even if only to a single person. That single person is worth it.
I have learnt that our work is going to fill a large part of our life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what we believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what we do.
When we add some play to our passion and create for the love of it, with less attachment to outcomes- the less you will be paralysed by fear, and the more divinity will flow through your work. Place lesser stress on what the world does with your masterpiece once you’ve gifted it to them…. and instead create for the joy of creating Passion always touches lives – but we can’t control how and when and why.
Like a flower that blossoms with all the beauty it can muster, offering joy to all, and then fades out – I accept the journey and beauty of life and May projects shine bright. And may love and joy flood in life.
Sometimes a put-down is the best fuel to fire you up.
I’m living for the day when the detractors say, “The amount of success she’s had is unreal.” And I’ll just smile knowing that they were right…on a level they couldn’t have imagined.
Nothing physical lasts forever, but the legacy you create is here to stay.